Old memories and feelings are coming back, really clear.
Oh God. I don’t want to talk about that. But, it keeps playing. It won’t go away and I thought it would. And I can’t- I’m so bad. I swear to god I didn’t mean to. It was an accident. I swear… I’m so fucking disgusting. It was all my fault.
Go have an awesome day.
idek because I’ve only NOW stopped growing. So, I couldn’t give you an accurate weight. But, why did I gain?
- MASSIVE portions
- ZERO awareness of food content
- Unconscious emotional eating
I don’t even know how I did that. — It’s literally impossible for me not to think about what I put in my body now. :|
So, Moira sat next to me at the end of the session and put her arms around me… She rubbed my head when she was telling me I was good and it made me feel little again… I felt clean and good. I felt protected and loved. I felt like a little kid, completely protected from anything and everything.
… I want that again.
It scares me how much I trust her.
Being able to put my palms on the floor without a problem is a really weird feeling, considering there was a point and time when I couldn’t touch my toes… at all.